Monday, October 01, 2012

Feel the pain

This is an awful feeling.

It feels pretty similar to a break up or a pet dying.  I don't make this comparison lightly either.  There's definitely a combined feeling of pain and sorrow that I want to be rid of, but I know that I'm stuck with.

All because of a game as well.

My beloved Hawks have lost the Grand Final.

I didn't even watch it till the end.  Once the result was confirmed, I calmly turned off the television, placed the remote control on the table and then proceeded to throw an almighty temper tantrum.  It didn't really help to calm me down though.  I'm normally a calm person who is well in control of my emotions, so this kind of release is anything but satisfying.
To be so severely impacted by something as inconsequential as the result of a sporting match seems to be a character flaw, and yet this is something that has indeed become part of my character itself.  The Hawthorn football club has become a part of me since my childhood.  I have come to associate myself with its culture and I have come to love its story.  It is one of the few things besides my family that I have truly held dear and close to me for my entire life.  Through the travels and through the relocations, it was one of the few things that I was always able to take with me.  Even as a small child removed from my familiar surroundings, I was able to hold onto the club in my mind.  This club has remained my connection to my past and my connection to my first home in Melbourne.  I have cherished their successes and I have truly suffered through their losses, so much so that even colleagues at work have said to me that my mood is noticeably worse in weeks where the Hawks have lost!

Yet I wonder whether I would have remained as committed to this club had I remained in Melbourne.  I wonder if I would have held on as tightly to one of the last reminders of my Southern home had I not been forced to say goodbye to it all those years ago.

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